angel228

Shown below, is an actual letter that was
sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The
bank manager thought it amusing enough to
have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my
check with which I endeavored to pay my
plumber last month.


By my calculations, three nanoseconds
must have elapsed between his presenting the
check and the arrival in my account of the
funds needed to honor it.


I refer, of course, to the automatic
monthly deposit of my entire pension, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place
for only eight years.


You are to be commended for seizing that
brief window of opportunity, and also for
debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for
the inconvenience caused to your bank.


My thankfulness springs from the manner
in which this incident has caused me to
rethink my errant financial ways.


I noticed that whereas I personally
answer your telephone calls and letters, ---
when I try to contact you, I am confronted by
the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank
has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to
deal with a flesh-and-blood person.


My mortgage and loan repayments will
therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank
whom you must nominate.


Be aware that it is an offense under the
Postal Act for any other person to open such
an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contact which I require your
chosen employee to complete.


I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in
order that I know as much about him or her as
your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative.


Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a
Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
his/her financial situation (income, debts,
assets and liabilities) must be accompanied
by documented proof.


In due course, at MY convenience, I will
issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me.


I regret that it cannot be shorter than
28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on
the number of button presses required of me
to access my account balance on your phone
bank service. As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.


Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as
follows:


IMMEDIETELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR
(*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH




#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living
room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in
case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in
case I am attending to nature.
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile
phone if I am not at home .
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a
password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a
later date to that Authorized Contact
mentioned earlier.

# 8. To return to the main menu and to
listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or
inquiry. The contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to press*
for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a
lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for
the duration of the call


Regrettably, but again following your
example, I must also levy an establishment
fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so
slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year
old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE "US SENIORS"
!!!!!

__________________