angel228

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either, just [censored]
off and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a flat tyre.


The darkest hours come just before the dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's
milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.


Sex is like air. It only becomes really
important when you aren't getting any.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you
can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.


Never forget that you are unique, like
everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both
feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead
or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage
payments

Before you judge someone, you should walk a
mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge
them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid
skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a
boat and drink beer all day.

Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen
that person again? It was probably worth it.


If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember anything.

Some days we are the flies; some days we are
the windscreen.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first
time.

Good judgment comes from experience,
experience comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your
pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

There are two theories about how to win an
argument with a woman. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
if your lips are moving.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry,
and we get smacked on our arse. From there on
in, life gets worse

The most wasted day of all is one in which we
have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not
need to know.

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