vivekwig

Ik amli

oye, tuhanu joke sanaunde a,

Ik munda, sadak te tureya janda si
(a guy waz walkin down the road)

Tan, Ik amli cycle te chadiaya janda,
(and a crackhead was commin up on a bike)

Oh amli, munde vich vaj janda,
(the crackhead runs into the walking guy)

Oh dowen buri taran dig jande a.
(they both fall down to the ground)

Jadon dowen uth painde a ,te amli mundey nu kehnda,
(when they both get up, the crackhead says..)

"O kuj nehi hoya, mari moti raggarr aye hai..."
(oh! its okay, you are not that hurt.. its just minor bruses)

"jah jake parsad churrah, te mandir jake matha teki tera bachaa ho gia."
(now go, go to the temple and thank god your life was saved!, go on)

Mundey nu bada gussa charda, te kehnda, "Keda bachaa ho gia, saliyaa nale tan mere sattan laa tiyan te nalle kehinda bachaa ho giya."
(the guy is pretty mad, "what you talking about!!!, first you run into me and cause me injuries and now you are saying that I should go to the temple and thank god!!!")

Amli kehnda, "oye meri gal mun tera bachaa ho giya tere vich mein cycle maar dhitta."
(the crackhead goes, "belive me man, you should be thankful that I hit you with my cycle")

Munda kehnda, "oh kyon."
(the guy says, "and why is that!!.")

Oh kamleyaa, Pichon ta mein Truck chalaounda ayaan, cycle ta mein ithonk he chukeya!!!!"
("my good man, i had just gotton on to the bike, I was driving a truck before that!!!!")

vivekwig

Gall Kuch Es Tarah Hai Mittro Kee Banta Taye Mai Mono dovain ekko school vich pardaye hundaye see. Ek Vaar kee hoeya kee school da vadda officer aa gaya school taye usnay keha kee mein kuch bacheyaan da test laina hai. Layo Ji karlo gall. Usany Bantaye taye Mai Mono nu chun leya..
Pehlaan aayi vaari Bantaye Dee.. Banta is bery intelligent, paraku, able to pass without maaring NAKAL(cheating) but Mai Mono bechaari rabb dee maari.. nakal maran naal pass hon waali
Banta Singh Come In,,,Andar Aaaja Mittraa..
Education Officer: Banta singh bharat da pehla pradanmantri kaun see.
Banta Singh: Ji Pandit JawaharLaal Nehru

Doosra Sawal: DIanosaur da origin kado hoeya. Yaani Kee dainasour kado hoond vich aayea.
Banta Singh: Es baaraye hajaye scientist Khoj Kar Rahaye Han.

Teesra Sawal: Bharat Aaazad Kado Hoeya, When did India Get it's independence.
Banta Singh: Ghardaye dassdaye ta hundaye see kee struggle 1935 to chall rahi hai par 1947 vich jaakaye Hoeya.

Bery Good Banta, Ju Are Great. Ju May GO and Sent Mai Mono Inside...

And Now Mai Mono is very scared. She asks Banta what did the Officer asked him and he said nuttin hard. First thing he asked you the answer is Jawaharlal Nehru,, second answer Scietists hajaye khoj kar rahaye han taye teesra jawaab kee ghardaye dassdaye hundaye see kee struggle ta 1935 to chall rahi hai par jaakaye 1947 vich hoeya.
Chalo Ji, Mai Mono gayi andar..

Officer pehla sawaal puchda hai.
Tera Naam Kee Hai.
Mai Mono : Mera Naam Hai Pandit Jawaharlaal Nehru..

Hain!!!!! Officer kehanda ek banda hai ja janaani jo bandeyaan varga naam hai.. Oh kehanda Tera Sex Kee Hai
Male ya Female

Mai Mono Kehandi : Es baaraye scientist hajaye khoj kar rahaye han. pakka pata nahi lagga

Teesra sawal.
Officer: tera janam kado hoeya
Mai Mono: Ghardaye ( mom and dad) dasdaye hundaye see kee struggle ta 1935 to chall rahi hai par jaakaye 1947 vich hoeya. )

AAYEA SAMHAJ MERA CHUTKALA MITTRO
sat sari a kaal sareyaan nu

vivekwig

Moti Janani

Ik admi di janani bahut moti [mera matlab motto] si. Ik din o station te vajan tolan vali machine te charhi.

Machine de vich sikka paya te ode vicho ik cheekh di awaj ayi te card bahar aya:
"Khotte de puttro - ik ik karke charho"



Ik munda kuri nu puchchda hai" tera naa ki hai"?
kuri kehandi "meena"
Kuri puchchdi "tera naa"?
munda kehanda "kameena"
kuri kehandi" lagdey ta nahin"
munda "kol bitha ke vekh lao"



The Punjab Police Department, the FBI, and the CIA were each trying to prove it was the best law enforcement agency. So the UN released a rabbit into the woods and gave each agency a chance to do its stuff.
The CIA placed animal informants in and around the forest and questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, the CIA concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI sent its people into the woods. After two weeks with no leads, the agents burned the forest, killing everything, including the rabbit. There were no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the Punjab Police sent its people in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling, "OK! OK! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"



Ik din kuch punjabi gabroo kothe te chad ke galee di andi-jandi kudia nu ched de paye san.Jadoo ik garm mijaj di kudi de naal unnahe ne a harkat kiti te oh gusse vich bole "chappal la ke utey aawa"?
Eha sune ke ik gabroo bolya "koei gal nahi chappal payee-payee ajaao.Utey keda paath ho raya hai".


A Bearded Bengali And Sardarji Got Into An Arguement Over Which State Produced More Freedom Fighters, Bengal Or Punjab. They Decided For Each Patriot Named From His State He Would Be Entitled To Pluck Out A Hair From The Others Beard. The Bengali Opened The Offensive With "khudi Ram Bose" And Tweaked A Hair From The Sardar Ji's Beard. The Sardarji Responded With "bhagat Singh" And Plucked One Hair Out Of The Bengalis Beard. And So It Went On Painfully With The Bengali Having A Endless List. The Sardarji Came To The End Of His List. And With Great Force Shouted ""jalianwala Bagh"" And Yanked Of The Bengalis Beard Off His Chin.



A man goes to local village doctor
"Dactar sahib..mennu bare bhayanak je sapne ande ne..

"for example"doc said
"..mennu sapna anda he ki meri bivi, jado me so janda ya bahar janda, te o pajh ke kise hor aadmi nu milan jandi ha i"....(i dream when i sleep my wife goes out to meet some one else)..or jado meri jag khuldi hai te o ghar vich hondi hai..dasso me ki kara - eh bhayanak jya sapna menu kha raha hai...

doctor said," bevkoofa..e sapna nai sach hai"


Ik wari america which ik market survey company ne india which washing machine di sale ute survey kita. Ohna de survey de results te sub nu bari harani hoyi. Survey which uhna ne dasya ki washing
machine di sub to jayada sale punjab which hoyi he ate ehna nu kharidan wale GT Roda te dhabian (road side hotels) de malik ne.

Is sale the reason ohna ne dasya ke dhabe wale kehnde ne ki washing which bulk which lassi bahut wadiya bandi ate uhde naal pipe ( drainage hose ) wi lagya hoya jis de naal lassi aram de naal glass which we payi jaa sakdi he.

vivekwig

ikk var di gal hai santa singh school teacher di job pakad lendaa hai " english subject"
oh bohat hi mash-hoor jo jaanda hai
us de school vich ik navan principal aaunda hai
us nu bhnanak pendi hai ki santaa singh bohat hi vadhiyaa angreji teach da hai
oda dil kardaa hai ki dekhe santa singh da way of teaching kis tara da hai oh enna mashhoor kyon hai
class de bahar jaa ke khidki kol chori chori dekhan lag penda hai
scene kuch is tara hai
santa singh: bolo bachcho" GADHA "
bachche: " GADHA"
SANTA: BOLO BACHO "GADHA, GADHE DE PICHE GADHA"
bache: "GADHA, GADHE DE PICHE GADHA"
santa : BOLO BACHO " GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE GADHA, US DE PICHE (BEHIND) MAIN"
bache: " GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE GADHAA, US DE PICHE MAIN"
princpal no bohat gussa aaundaa ki salaa santa ki padha reha hai
santa: bolo bachO " GADHA,GADHE DE PICHE GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE MAIN,US DE PICHE SARAA DESH"
Principal ton reha nahi jaanda oh santaa no kehandaa hai aa ke mere room vich milo
santa singh room vich jandaa hai taan princi b gussa hon lagg pendaa hai ki tu ki padha reha hai
santa singh kehanda hai " sir main taa sirf spelling sikh rehaa si"
princi kehandaa hai kis de
santa kehanda hai
"ASSASSINATION " de


ikk var di gall hai
banta singh school vich padhdaa hundaa hai te ik teacher aa ke lecture de jaandi hai " har aadmi da koi naa koi razz hundaa hai jis no oh chupan di koshish kardaa hai"
eh sun ke bante de dimag vich idea aandaa hai
oh ghar jaa ke aapni bebe nu kehndaa hai "mainu sab kuch pataa hai" bebe ghabraa (panic) jandi hai te bantaa nu 100 Rs de dindi hai
raat nu bapu aandaa hai bantaa bapu naa jaa ke kehanda hai mainu sab pataa hai " babu chup chap 500 Rs de dinda hai,bantaa nu eh scheme badi changi lagdi hai
saner nu doji (milkman ) aaundaa hai te bantaa no lalach aa jandaa hai banta doji nu kehanda hai mainu sab pataa lag gayaa hai mainu sab raz pataa lag gaye ne
doji de haththon doodh di drumi chott jandi hai te doji achanak ghabraa jaandaa hai
fer bade pyaar nal bantaa nu kehandaa hai
aajaaa putt bapu de gal naal lagg jaa



ikk vari ki hundaa hai ki santa singh de pind kol macdonalds vaale apni dookaan kholde ne te bohat saaari advertisment karde ne apne pizza di
ad dekh ke santa singh da dil pizza khan non kardaa hai jaa ikk pizza order karda hai
pizzaa aa jaanda hai te serve karan vaala puchdaa hai
sir kinne piece kar davaa pizza de 6 or 12
santaa singh sochan lagg pendaa hai
2 mint sochan da kenhdaa hai
oye sirf 6 piece hi kari mere ton 12 piece khaa nahi hone



Santa was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female,standing in front of him, "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital. He was surprised to see Banta on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied" I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can t allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied," I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can t allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and without taking any risks, asked, " Do you have "grown up" daughters?". The Owner asked," WHY ?" Banta replied, " I wanted to stay here for a night



Santa Singh and Banta Singh got a US software assignment. After reaching US both were staying in the same building. Santa on the first floor and Banta on the thirty fifth floor. One day the elevators were not working. Banta decided to tease Santa and he invited Santa on the phone for Sarson da Saag and Makke di Roti. When Santa reached the 35th floor using the stairs he was cheesed off to see a note on the door saying "How was the journey !!" Seeing this Santa got extremely annoyed and decided to take revenge. He put another note saying " Boss i cannot make it today!!!"



Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

bloggy

Haha a few nice jokes and thanks for translating this to English.
Keep on sharing the jokes dude.. Enjoyed reading these.

__________________
spicy forums

mahesh_172004

A Girl to her boy friend
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Mohabat ek se hoti hai, hazaron se nahi
A Boy to his girl friend
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
Mohabat agar ek se hogi hai, to hazaron ka kya hoga

mahesh_172004

Banta without a licence was going in the two wheeler. The traffic police caught him and asked for the licence. He told I know the IG. All police saluted him. After some time he says but the IG DOES not know me.

mahesh_172004

Santa goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, 'Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?' To this the man replies,
' Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash Basin'.

mahesh_172004

Restaurant Manager: ' Why are you looking worried?'
Chef: 'There are lot of ants in soup and other cooked food. I do not know what to do.'
Restaurant Manager: ' Don't worry. I will annownce that today we are having Chinese Food festival!'

mahesh_172004

There was a farmer who grew watermellons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch at night and eat his watermellons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: 'Warning! One of the watermellons in this field has been injected with cyanide.'
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermellons are missing, but the sign next to his read: 'Now there are two!!!'

mahesh_172004

Once a doctor went to a mental hospital. he was walking by a room and saw a guy holding his ear to the wall, so the doc went to that guy and pushed him aside and tried to listen so the doc put his ear against the wall and said i don't hear anything. that guy slaped the doctor and said i'm listening to this wall for 20 years i don't hear anything you just came and how the hell can you hear something.

mahesh_172004

A man walks into the bar really depressed.
The bartender asks him what his problem is.
“My dog just died and the damn vet charged me Rs 10,500.”
Says the bartender: “Wow, that is pretty high. What did the vet do?”
“Not much. I took the dog in there and told him, you got to help him Doc, this is the best dog I have ever had. The vet pokes at him for a few minutes and says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.’ I said ‘Come on doc, this is my best dog, there’s got to be something you can do.’ The vet says, ‘OK, we can try one more thing.’ He goes over to this cage and grabs this cat and brings it over to the dog and swings it around the dog’s head. The vet says, ‘sorry but he’s gone. That’ll be Rs 10,500.’ I said, ‘What! Rs 10,500 to declare the dog dead?” He says, ‘Yeah. Rs 500 for the office visit and Rs 10,000 for the CAT scan.”

mahesh_172004

Scene: A woman comes to Ajit for suggesting a name/s for her kids .
Woman: Sir , mein apne ladke ka naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Iskaa naam Peter rakh do!
Woman: Mera doosra ladkaa bhi hai , jo iskaa twin hai. Mein uskaa naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Uskaa naam Repeter rakh do!

mahesh_172004

Mike is causing trouble and Ajit and Robert are discussing it.
Robert: Bass !!! Mike humein jeene nahin dega !!
Ajit: Koi Baat Nahin, Robert, Usey CHAMPAGNE mein bhigo do, SHAME usey jeene nahin dega aur PAIN usey marney nahin dega... ha ha ha

mahesh_172004

Robert: Boss, is peter ke bacche ne hamare saath gaddari ki hai.
Ajit: Robert , usay revalving chair me bita dho, patha chal jayega ki 'chakkar' kya hai..